Into the forest of "North of Us Woods"...

"THE MOLES! THE MOLES! OH THE BEAUTIFUL MOLES! LET THEM TAKE ME! LET THEM TAKE ME! AHHHGHGGHGHG!" cried our ever exuberant former head honcho of goat cheese. He was being dragged kicking and screaming down the dark stairwell by the two Mexican immigrants who had survived the initial wave of moles. Behind them, our former head of Vodka productions, Krampus, who's show production had been decreasing in recent weeks anyway, was stumbling along behind hefting a backpack filled with as many bottles of Vodka he could conceivably carry. Behind him Vlad was slowly drinking said Vodka bottles while simultaneously complaining about how the weather was so much draftier underground than in his tent. Behind him, our Pastor of the Church of Vegemite was clutching a jar of the aforementioned substance muttering a prayer under his breath. I, Rudolph, was just behind our glorious leader, The Czar. Though he ruled an empire no more, his swagger was still awe inspiring. We were descending the stairs just beneath our former home that led to the Czar's secret underground pond. "I told you guys this would come in handy" He said. "yeah but..come on guys," said Krampus. "don't you think it's a little harsh just leaving the party? I mean, sigh, oh well. I just think we should be more considerate of our guests. So what if they want to eat us? It's just that we are missing a unique experience is all I'm saying...".

"TAKE ME TAKE ME! MOLES MOLES!" cried goat cheese yo again. "Oh powerful Vegemite, let your almighty spread proctect us from the moles sent by the evil that is mayonnaise. Let your salty flavor shower us with protection." His words were comforting as odd as that may be. Our leader was silent as always. "Probably deems it unnecessary to speak to us at this time" I thought. We reached the bottom of the stair well and emerged into an elaborate cavern. It seems to have been part of some ancient underground complex from long ago. There were ancient statues of glorious flying walrus that warmed the soul. In the center the was a hot tub, no need to ask what that was for, and to the side a pond with a bridge leading to the most unbelievable sight we ever beheld. We all audibly gasped at the sight of a huge yellow submarine. ".....is that.....THE... ye-ye-yellow submarine?" inquired Krampus, who had all of a sudden stopped his passive aggressive complaining. "Yes!" responded our leader. "I found it on the black market and thought it might come in handy." So we all piled into the glorious machine, which was of course decked out with all of the latest 24th century tech. As the Czar urged the engine to life, there was a low rumbling. Everything started shaking. "What is this?" cried the Czar indignantly "this is unnecessary!". "TAKE ME TAKE ME! I HAVE CHEESE TAKE ME!". "This is just our luck" I thought. Suddenly we were launched to the ceilng and I blacked out. I awoke on the floor. Quickly I assessed the situation. Everyone seemed fine, though unconcious. The submarine however was a complete wreck. The goat cheese powered engine, a design by you know who, had exploded and everything was covered in boiling cheese. Nothing was salvageable. I awoke the others, we gathered ourselves and we headed outside. The worst had come upon us. We had been launched straight into the middle of the forest of North of us woods. The wind was howling in the all to familiar subzero temperatures. Night had fallen and everything was worse because of it. In the distance we heard the howls of The Terrors, the local urban legend creatures of the woods that just happened to be real. They were getting closer. Behind us we could also hear the drums and the chants of the molemen. They were closing in too! "RUN!" cried the Czar. "RUN BUT RUN TRUE WITH DIGNITY!". And so we started to run, except Vlad of course who decided to be dragged by goat cheese yo. Fortunately this task distracted our friend from the moles and he began criticizing Vlad on what he was wearing. "Well, he is back to normal at least...ha...normal..." I thought. So our journey began. With Terrors all around and molemen behind. We fled into the dark...